Diary of a Nazgulette
by Telumiel
Summary: a Mary Sue parody with Bellatrix Lestrange joining the Nine Riders. lots of sap and silliness. crossover with Harry Potter. my first try, so please be kind.
1. Prologue

Diary of a Nazgulette  
  
Prologue  
  
From: "Sauron" theeye-baradur.gov To: "Witch King of Angmar" CC: "The Eight" Subject: Expansion Program  
  
It has recently come to my attention that earlier intelligence on the Council of Elrond was lacking. Recent updates from our agent codenamed Crebain have revealed an unexpected turn of events. Namely, the "Fellowship" is comprised of ten, not nine members, as we had formerly supposed. While I have no doubt in you and your team's abilities, the fact that the new member is a female tips the balance in an unacceptable manner. To combat this development, you are to find and acquire a new member for the Nazgul of the female sex. This does not change your mission. Once an acceptable member has been inducted, you are to continue at once.   
  
From: "Sauron" theeyebaradur.gov To: "Witch King of Angmar" CC: "The Eight" Subject: Operation Witch Hunt  
  
Further intelligence has determined that the female member of the Fellowship is from a place called Hogwarts. This should be your starting place for recruiting. As for your concern of a ring, I had the foresight to have made a spare in case one of your more clumsier Riders managed to loose his.  
  
From: "Sauron" theeyebaradur.gov To: "Witch King of Angmar" CC: "The Eight" Subject: Eager Applicant  
  
Your recent applicant to our Nazgul expansion program has proven most promising. Given her previous line of work, she has just the job experience and loyalty we were looking for. The fact that she is in prison does present a slight problem of availability, but I am sure your team is capable of a sensitive extraction. Her main reference has not gotten back; but that is understandable as he is dealing with a difficulty similar to mine. Pending contact with her last reference, you are authorized to extract and induct the applicant. 


	2. The Breakout

Oops...I forgot on the last one, please don't sue me. I don't own Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter, although I would very much like to because the third movie for both and the fifth book would have been done right...uhm, did I say that? I mean in a manner that would have suited my personal preferences without infringing on the rights of the true authors.  
  
I wrote several versions of this one and this is the one that won. It is kind of long, but that is sort of the point...drama and all that. The next ones will be shorter unless the evil plot bunnies strike again. Enjoy! And thanx to the reviewers...hope this lives up to the potential.  
  
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A woman clothed in a gown of midnight silk stood at a window looking over the Land of Mordor. Her black hair was tinged with silver and fell in cascades down her back. A silver ring shaped like a claw with a sphere of obsidian in its talons glinted on her right forefinger. Power swirled almost tangibly around her.  
Turning from the breathtakingly gloomy sight, she floated over to a small desk and took out a bound tome of blank pages. Smoothly she set out the ink, grasped a rather beraggled raven feather, and began to write:  
  
My name is Bellatrix Lestrange. I am a witch. Unlike some people (who I believe should not exist), I had the ultimate fortune of being born into an ancient magic family. Magic runs deep in my blood and I am more than a natural, 'uncanny' my Slitherin house head at school called me. With my abilities, I knew that I could go farther than anyone in my family ever had. To this end I joined my Lord V. When his brilliant plan fell apart, I ended up in jail, wizard jail. It seemed as though my gifts would rot away, but then I was given the chance to show my greatness for another great dark lord, this one of a place called Middle Earth, far far away from home. I have decided to keep a journal of my aiding tyranny in another universe. It will be quite an adventure, hopefully one that ends better than my last one. It all started...  
  
IIIA, 3019, 7 January Arrived in "Middle Earth" yesterday. Had the most wonderful time breaking out of Azkaban. It all started as a normal day—the waking from a nightmare to a nightmare, the screaming, the pain, which would have all been wonderful had not been directed at me.  
Why can't those bloody dementors be directed at people worth torturing, not controlled into sucking happiness from those whose goals are practically the same as theirs? The justice system that we wizards is rather ironic...our very jailers are those who would be on our side if they were allowed to. Why spend all that effort controlling them, when we could just let them loose on all the Mudbloods and halfbreeds?  
As I was contemplating this very happy thought which was making the dementors outside my cell tremble with joy (could it be that they felt the same way I do), I suddenly heard the dementors' screaming change from the usual pleasure to a scream distinctly full of...terror? There were also other screams, shrill and attacking. A breakout! I remember thinking, but what are the chances of that...unless my lord Voldemort has finally returned to power. With that thought my heart had soared.  
At that moment, my cell door began shaking, and there was a bang of explosion as the locks were destroyed. An incredibly tall and charmingly menacing figure stepped in amidst the destruction his charm had caused.  
The approaching warrior spoke, "Are you the Lady Bellatrix?"  
The lady part confused me for a short second, but the tone carried such command that I melted and immediately knew this man was not only a pure-blood, but also a gentleman of gentlemen. I decided to respond in kind.  
"Yes, dark sir. Have you come to take me to our master?"  
"Aye, your application has been accepted."  
What application? I wondered, then I remembered the interprison memo that had circulated several weeks ago about a dark lord needing to recruit a female agent with sinister experience for a contract job. Being as this dark lord was in a different universe and my true mission was on hold indefinitely, I responded, knowing that this temporary job would not compormise my commitment to Voldemort and wizard supremecy. And now it appeared that I had the job.  
Any way out of Azkaban is better than no way, I quickly decided and said, "Well, then, shall we proceed?"  
My cloaked rescuer screamed that beautiful call that had put terror in the moth-eaten hearts of the dementors in response, calling his team to him. They all gathered around me, and their leader began chanting, Tal, tul, tal, tul, Bot agh ku dalgug. Tal, tul, tal, tul, Trouthu rad farghatug.  
As the chant reached a crescendo, it was as though a black hole had enveloped us, sucking all light away. The pull of a port key is a mere shove compared to this magic, which wrenched us from Azkaban into its tunnel of thick night. I must have blacked out before we exited the wormhole because the next thing I remember is waking up in a deliciously soft bed. Angmar has just come to escort me to my first official appearance before my new employer, the tale of which I will have to finish later.  
  
Translation from Black Speech: There, here, there, here, World and time removing. There, here, there, here, Beyond territory now jumping. 


	3. Twitterpated

IIIA, 3019, 10 January  
  
I have been remiss in keeping up with this journal, so struck I have been by this universe and its amazing inhabitants. Angmar has taken me under his wing to teach me the ways of his master. Although I do not really need his bumbling attempts at waiting on me, I must admit his attentions are cute. This universe is rather quaint, but nothing that I can't handle. Evil power such as I have just moves across worlds. Besides I have been in Azkaban so long that any male attention not of the dementor variety (do they even have sexes?) is welcomed, especially from such a man (or should that be undead man?) I know I am a married woman, but that lunk of a husband is still locked in Azkaban so why can't a girl have some fun? :-)  
  
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Sorry this is so short...will have the next one in a few days. And thanx for all the reviews. Responses:   
Mirax!-You're alive. Thanx for reading. I figured if I waited until I was finished I would never post (hint, hint).  
  
Frodofreak88-yeah, that is kind of the point, this being a parody and all. I have admittedly messed with the character. I don't know if JKR's Bellatrix would be this stupid, but I am writing her as a MarySue. Let me know if it gets too foolish. 


	4. It's Official

We interrupt this broadcast for an emergency announcement:

Sorry this has taken so long. First my muse wasn't working, then my email wasn't working, then fanfic wasn't working. But the good news in all of this is that I now have a beta reader, so you will be spared some of my stupid ideas. As soon as she gets back to me, I will post the next two chapters. I am still working on getting the format to co-operate so please bear with me.

To all reviewers: thanx so much for all your comments. I will keep plogging on as long as I know it is being read.

Shrinni: I am glad you think Bella is in character. But I wouldn't say that Sauron is retaliating against just some random Mary Sue. I have plans for her as well, I'm just not telling yet. No promises on the killing, although I can promise they will meet. evil laugh Oh, and I need to get a muse like yours.

And now, back to our regular scheduled programming...

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IIIA, 3019, 11 January

Yesterday's entry was not too clear on events, for which I apologize. Angmar had just given me the most beautiful bouquet of black death flowers (which he said he had to travel quite far to get, but won't say where...how like a man), so my head was not quite as it should be.

Today I am much better, having come back down to middle earth. How exactly that happened is quite the tale, but first I must give the setting.

These last few days, a week almost, have been used up resting from my inter-verse travel. For those who are not frequent world fliers, it can be quite draining. Added of course to this is the fact that I was coming from Azkaban, not the most relaxing spa. Fortunately, I had only been there three years. I am much more gaunt than I was going in, but at least I still have my hair. But then gaunt is attractive in this world, especially for dark warriors. _(Bella, pull it together and quit bringing everything back to Angmar. One would think you are nothing but a silly school girl. Now stop talking to yourself and get on with the story.)_

As I was saying, I definitely needed some rest after the recent events. During this time, I have been at Barad-dur, Lord S.'s hideout. Humph, hideout...more like scary spikey tower just begging for attention. For a semi-overthrown evil lord in danger of being completely overthrown, his audacity is both thrilling and sobering.

I can't tell even Angmar this because he would just call it culture shock, but I have wondered if it is a front for insecurities, losing one's physical shape might do that to a person. However, my Lord V., even during his current setbacks, has never had to make the legends bigger than he is. In fact they are quite paltry. Those poor mudbloods and muggle lovers don't even know the half of what he has done and is still doing. Underhanded is the name of Lord V's game, so most of my experience has been clandestine

Lord S., on the other hand and to my discomfort, believes in doing things big and flashy. And he managed it again today. My aforementioned rest was only partially for my benefit. It also allowed him to gather his minions (orcs, trolls, and all manner of malevolent creatures) for my "coronation." A proper audience for my proper dark lady, Angmar said when he saw them all gathered in neat ranks at the foot of Mount Doom.

And that is how it happened that we were seated on obsidian thrones on a raised dais protruding from the side of the mountain. Angmar, the Eight, and I were dressed in our most fear-inspiring robes, mine of course being similar in style but definitely that of a woman's. My orc of a maid had even managed to do something respectable with my many midnight tresses, which Azkaban had not yet been able to take. A great cave gaped behind us, stretching far into Mount Doom's heart of fire. I had asked Rider Number Five what was back there, but he only cryptically said something about the birthplace of power.

Just as I was going to ask what he meant by that, Angmar stood and addressed the gathered army. Unfortunately, he spoke in Black Speech, so I could not understand anything he said. As a side note, Common Speech, I had learned, was the same as English from my world, a linguistic miracle that would have made the creator of this world roll in his grave but made me give a huge sigh of relief.

As speeches go, I am sure it was mesmerizing, but not understanding what he was so eloquently saying made it a little difficult to stay focused. I tried to work on my imperial stare, but that got boring because none of the troops were close enough to feel the full effect. I thought about resorting to my favorite way as a child to combat boredom and cast a controlling curse on one of the orcs and make it hit his neighbor, but I wasn't sure my magic would work without my wand and now was not the time to try. My nodding was quickly brought to an end when Angmar suddenly switched to Common.

"And so, it is with great pride and pleasure that we introduce to you your new First Lady of Evil." Here he turned to me, bony claw outstretched. I rose as expected, but in a daze. Angmar took my hand and turned back toward the gathered peons.

"She has answered your master Sauron's call to join our ageless campaign..."

At the word 'ageless' I started. _How long had they been fighting again?_

"...and our common unending quest for domination..."

_Wait, how long are they going to be fighting?_

He turned back to me but still spoke to the crowd. "...Therefore, by the power given to me by Sauron, I hereby present you with this ring..."

Now I was really confused. _Ring? What ring? Why does this sound like a wedding? I'm not even divorced yet. Who am I getting married to...this quest...Lord S...Angmar? _Butterflies overcame me at the last thought, but I had no chance to clear my head, for Angmar continued on.

"...which entitles to you to all of the privileges and rights..."

_Well, at least there are perks,_ I tried to reassure myself. _I wonder if this means I get my own fell beast and tower._

"...as well as the respect and obedience demanded by the rank of Rider!"

_Now that I can live with._

"You are now the Tenth Nazgul!" With this, Angmar slipped a clawshaped silver ring with a sphere of obsidian in its talons onto my right forefinger.

My finger felt the weight of the ring, heavier than I expected, as I raised my hand above my head as in victory. The troops below me responded to my gracious acceptance with a cheer that came from the depths of hell. The hoorah was accompanied by a sweeping wind that came blasting from top of Barad-dur. As the wind hit the dais, my hand turned to ice, a feeling which flooded my whole body until I was entirely numb.

A sinister voice throbbed into my head. "Aaahye ssseee youuu."

At that moment, all of my earlier hesitations about Lord S. were swept away by the power that now pounded into my head. It coursed through my body and matched only that which I had felt the night of the Longbottoms. This was no scared rabbit eye darting around, making sure his realm was safe. No, the ring on my finger tied me to the greatest power in Middle Earth, and probably all of the worlds.

"I am here to serve!" I yelled into the wind. In a rush, the wind circled around and turned back towards Barad-dur. The malevolent peons cheered again.

The butterflies returned as Angmar put his arm around me, "Our master has accepted you. Your training begins tomorrow."

All I could do was smile up at him. As we (the Ten Riders, that is) filed down the mountain, the orcs parting for us, I mused on what I had gotten myself into. From the advertisement that I had replied to in Azkaban, I had thought that this was going to be an in and out, smash and grab. From what I had just experienced, it seemed to be more of jumping into a long haul. Where in that long haul I had jumped into, I am not quite sure, but it definitely give me pause. I am generally not the kind of person who gets all giddy at getting sucked into another world, even if it is a paradise, for an unlimited amount of time.

The whole trip down the mountain I was having a mental battle with myself. My first thought was _Will I ever get home? But then, home at this point means a 6 by 9 with nightmares 24/7. Definitely a reason to look at this positively._ My next thought was _But when Lord V. comes back to power, as he most certainly will, and I am not there? He knows I would have never fallen in battle and will think I have deserted him or, worse, turned on him. But Lord S. has much more power than him, even if he is just a big eye. _

During this argument with myself, Angmar had kept his arm around me, guiding me down the mountain and back toward Barad-dur. I now looked up to him. _Where did he fit into all of this? He seems to like me; he had called me 'his dark lady.' Hubby is in jail and I'm in another universe. This one is going to take some more consideration, no bimbo Lockhart-chaser am I. I shall go about this as rationally and calmly as possible, of course._

When we got back to the tower, there was a ball in my honor. Angmar got roped into being my date (he didn't seem to protest too much) and all of the other Riders had found dates. I was surprised to see other dark ladies; I had met only men so far (my orc maid does not count). I got along really well with Rider Number Two's date, a blond vampire named Erika, probably because she was visiting from another world as well. We talked about our different home world problems (hers has a problem with blood purity as well) and exploits of evil, until Angmar insisted on a dance.

After the fifth dance, I feigned tiredness and we found ourselves alone in the blackhouse, Lord S.'s personal indoor garden...he certainly knows beauty, which of course is why he hired me. But the garden was not what was on my mind, Angmar was. If I was going to go for this and stay for him, I wanted to know how much of a future we might have. I linked my arm in his as we began wandering down the rows of exotic and dangerous plants and coyly asked,

"So what are these perks you mentioned earlier?"

"Well, besides rooting for the winning side...there is all the evil you can take, fell horses or beasts (you get to pick, but we are rather short on horses at the moment), being undead..." he paused and winked. "And of course there is me."

I mentally grinned, _He is flirting with me_, but said, "Undead? Was that the icy feeling? Is that why I still feel a little numb all over?"

"Probably. It gets better, but you will always feel a little numb because your body has been drained of everything that would be necessary where you living. And undead is Lord S.'s way of giving us immortality."

_Ahh, immortality, the very thing that Lord V. prized beyond all else, and I shall have it! I am not sure about this draining_, I must have gotten a glazed look on my face because Angmar nudged me and I jumped. I shook my head to get it back to the present world.

"So, uh, how long does this mean you have been working for Lord S.?"

"The rings were forged in the mid Second Age and this is nearing the end of the Third Age...oh, about four to five thousand years." He stopped and saw the wide-eyed look on my face. "They run together after a little while, and it's not like I have technically aged. Think of it...as suspended animation...kinda...uhm...I mean..."

"No, no, no, you are getting the wrong idea. I don't think that is wild, well it is. My point is I don't think you are some old fart who is too old for me." Mentally kicking myself, I tried again, "I was just thinking..." I couldn't really tell him what I was thinking, it had something to do with mummification and his nice butt. I stopped and turned to face him. "Immortality just happens to have always been one of my dreams. And now I get to experience it with unlimited evil. That and this is just happening so fast that I am glad we don't have to worry about time. We should take this slow, if you know what I mean."

Needless to say, after that comment, we spent the half the night making out, the proper ending to a dark lady's coronation and ball.

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AN: Couldn't resist pulling in some other worlds. Brownies for anyone who can knows where Angmar got the death flowers and where Erika is from.


	5. A Fell Beast and Cuppa

IIIA, 3019, January 12

Today was a day of triumphs, mostly because I have discovered that some things do not change between worlds. Much of what I am skilled at at home, I learned today, is applicable here with a few modifications. Skills seem to travel across worlds; it is just the rules on how they work that change. But simply finding a bit of home here so far away is nice, especially since it has assured my place among the Riders. I don't think they have had the feminist revolution here yet, so my not turning out to be some token Mary has made me legitimate, in both their eyes and mine. Once again, I ramble. I apologize, dear reader, but my malevolent muse loves to wander.

The first thing I discovered was that meetings everywhere are boring. We all gathered around a rough-hewn rock table, laid our swords on the table, and sat down to listen to reports. The reports were rather dull, although Rider Number Seven did manage to spice up his presentation on the current size of the army with a pictorial graph with little orc heads.

Aside from learning that Nazgul cannot draw, I also learned more about our opposition the Ten Walkers (the good guys always get the lousy transportation) and the political situation of evil here. This came from the final report by Number Two, who was keeping an eye on some wannabe evil overlord called Saruman. Apparently he had been messing with the weather again. Although the rather wild snowstorm had not been directed at us (he is not that stupid), it seemed to be following the presumed path of the Ten Walkers. Saruman, who has given some kind of allegiance to Lord S., is going to be in deep troll doodoo for trying to double cross him. But he blundered and gave us confirmation on where the elusive good guys are. The storm seems to have forced them to take a different road, one that we have many allies on. Number Four was assigned to contact them and on that happy note the meeting was adjourned.

We had a light lunch on the terrace and then headed to the stables. While the other Riders got their beasts, Angmar introduced me to mine. In keeping with the whole one-female thing, I was assigned the only female fell beast. She was the mother of all of the other beasts and had never been ridden, only breed. Angmar was not sure I could handle her, but I soon showed him wrong.

One of the reasons she had given the Nine so much trouble was probably due to the fact that they had never given her a proper name, except derogatory ones. Every animal responds better if it has its own name. Even that oaf Hagrid has a name.

"What do you call those death flowers you gave me the other day in Black Speech?" I abruptly asked as we all watched from the pen gate while Number Eight attempted to catch my mount for me.

"Matulul. Why?" Angmar replied without taking his eyes off of Eight and my fell beast. "Don't let her get past you!" he yelled at the frustrated Eight.

"You'll see." I nonchalantly climbed under the gate and walked toward the winged animal.

"What do you think you are doing, woman? That beast will chew you in two!" He moved to come restrain me, but Two held him back and said, "Wait. Let's see what she has in mind."

"I know what I'm doing," I threw back over my shoulder. I took the harness from Eight and told him to get out of the pen. Turning back to the fell beast, I looked her in the eye and bowed. From what I had seen of the breed, fell beasts did not seem that different from hippogriffs. I figured the same tricks might work on them as well.

The beast immediately stopped her raving, puzzled. Then, slowly she returned the gesture, bowing as best a fell beast can bow. I straightened and walked toward her.

"How would you like a name?"

She blinked at me.

"If I gave you a good and proper wicked name, would you be my fell beast?"

She blinked again.

"What do you think of 'Matulul'?"

At this she lowered her head and allowed me to bridle her. When the harnessing was finished, I leapt on her and away we soared. When we finally came back down, all of the Riders had gathered around to watch. My handling of Mattie, as I decided to nicknamed, had the Riders all abuzz and I knew would go a long way with making me 'one of the guys'. However, as I was unbridling her, I managed to catch a snippet of their conversation.

"So all that beauty isn't gone to waste...there is power in her after all...I wonder what else she can do..." This all made me rather uneasy, for I was still discovering the rules that governed this world and did not know if my other powers, namely magic would work here. I hadn't said anything for fear that it would make me expendable, but I hadn't tried anything for fear that I would discover I had become a squint. Mattie caught onto my unease, and when Angmar approached, she narrowed her eyes at him.

"How did you know naming her would work?"

"Just because she likes me doesn't mean she has accepted you," I snapped, then shrugged to cover up my agitation. "We have similar proud beasts in my world. I am a bit of an expert on dark creatures back home." I gave Matulul one last pat and headed out of the pen, "See you later girl."

Since they had thought it would take until dinner to teach me to ride and it was barely mid-afternoon, there was nothing else planned. I was still agitated when we got back to the tack shed, so I decided to give Mattie's harness a good rubbing. Number Two got me some saddle soap and I started in on it. The labor helped me push it all to the back of my mind and soon I was laughing at the other Rider's animal stories. I even shared some of my own. The favorite was by far the time I gave my mudblood-loving cousin a Jack-in-the-Box I had rigged with a Blast-ended Skrewt for his tenth birthday. They were still laughing when we headed to dinner. Such was my first triumph.

oooooooooooooo

A further triumph o the day is I have discovered that I can still do magic here. When I had first applied, it had not even crossed my mind that I would be without a wand once I got here. (In my world, a witch must have her wand to do controlled magic.) As can be expected, I was not allowed to keep my wand when I was sent to Azkaban, and Angmar and his fellow riders of course had no clue that I would need it. Not having it, I feared for a short time, would make my job performance disappointing to Lord S. But I am perfectly evil without it, so I decided not to say anything until I could figure something out.

How did I figure out my powers had come with me? Since I did not have my wand and the words and wands go together in all of the magic I know, I did not go around spouting spells, especially because I had not seen anyone else do that. I was not quite sure how magic worked in this world.

But at fell beast lessons today, Number Six was having particular difficulty with his mount. Stupid thing kept screaming. The exasperated Six screamed something back, and the poor thing lost its voice. It tried to scream but nothing could come out. This seemed to be a common occurrence because the other Riders kept teasing Six of hexing the brains out of his beast. I, on the other hand, almost fell off of Matulul.

We kept riding like nothing had happened, but it got me to thinking. Could I do magic here without my wand? Or was that just for people of this world? Later, I had a chance to find out. After dinner, this particular orc was really getting on my nerves. He had the whiniest voice and was most incompetent. Of course, all minions possess a certain degree of incompetence but this shriveled mongrel was definitely last in line to get brains.

As a quick side note, I am having some doubts as to the purpose of Lord S.'s campaign. My Lord V. was evil for the sake of bettering the wizarding world, but Lord S. seems to be evil simply to be evil. While there is a certain pleasure to be found in evil, I am uncertain as to whether or not that should be the only reason for evilness. Lord S. claims to have purified the elves in his orcs, but this one particular orc is doing his best to prove his master otherwise.

But that must be contemplated later, back to my story. Turtz, as he was so aptly named, had just tripped on my hem for the fiftieth time that day. When I had arrived in Middle Earth, I had been given a completely new wardrobe. (Azkaban stripes just would not do; they inspire no fear.) Tonight, I happened to be wearing Angmar's favorite jet-black satin dinner gown with warg fur trim. The twerp's feet were well on their way to wearing all of the hair off the trim. And last time I checked 'Verse Girl, torn leather trim was not coming into style anytime soon.

Point of all this being my dress was not the only thing being worn thin; my patience had had it. Without thinking, I spun around, pointed my finger at him, and shrieked my favorite curse for nincompoops (probably because it was invented by my nincompoop cousin):

"Arachnus Appendigius!"

Immediately, the orc's arms and legs disappeared and were replaced by eight spindly spider legs. Turtz squealed in fright and scuttled down the corridor as best he could with his new appendages. I did just the opposite; I stood there in shock. Then, shaking my head, I realized what had happened and would have jumped hysterically for joy had I not been a lady of evil trained in the ways of a true Overlord. So my magic had come with me even if my wand hadn't.

'I can do magic without my wand.' I thought. ' I have to tell Angmar!' I gathered up my skirts and raced off to find him.

He was on a balcony near the top of Barad-dur, looking broodingly out over the plateau, no doubt contemplating the situation of our dark forces. Slightly turned toward the door, his profile was cut out against black of Mount Doom in the distance. Had I been less excited, I probably would have taken a moment to swoon over his dark features.

"Guess what?!?!" I blurted out.

It was several moments before he turned. As I came closer, I could see he looked drawn, well, more drawn than usual. Being undead tends to have that effect on people. No, this was a drawness from the weariness of contemplation and campaigning. But my undead beauty pulled him out of it, for when he turned and saw me, the tiredness lifted and he asked, "What?"

"I can do magic like you can. Well, I don't know if it is exactly the same 'cause my spells are from my world and aren't in Black Speech, but..."

"Wait." he interrupted confusedly. "Where did you learn this magic?"

"You didn't think I was in prison just for thinking evil thoughts, did you? In my world a lucky few are born with the ability to do magic naturally, but we generally have to have a wand to do controlled magic. I was actually in prison for using what some people in my world consider the worst of spells to torture an enemy couple. But they were the enemy and we were at war, so I don't see what the problem was. But that is a different story. Anyway, what happened today during training with Six's fell beast got me thinking. That maybe, if you could do magic without a wand, so could I, even though I am from another world and all." I was speed talking, I was so excited. "I didn't get a chance to try it out because we've been so busy with training and everything until just right now, which was actually kind of an accident.'

Angmar nodded slowly, as if trying his best to understand my rambling.

I plunged ahead. "I am afraid that one of your orcs no longer has his own arms and legs." At response of a slightly raised eyebrow, I realized I might want to explain that. "It's like this...he was getting on my nerves, tripping all over my dress and being such a nuisance. I couldn't think of anything else to do, so I yelled a curse at him and replaced his arms and legs with...uhm...spider legs. Please don't be mad, but he was rather useless." I rushed to finish and finally breathed.

Angmar just agreed with me. "They all are, which is why they make good expendable minions. Now just exactly which of my prized soldiers did you curse?"

"Turtz." I grinned.

Angmar let out a guffaw. "I should thank you. That one is the bottom of the food chain, even for an orc. The tower gossips will have you turning his entire body into a spider by nightfall, but that is good. They need to learn to be subservient to you."

I was very much relieved by his reaction. I knew my magic ability would only endear me to him more, but I wasn't sure about the way I had used it. But he actually seemed to be enjoying the way it had come about.

"That was just what I needed to hear. I can't remember when hexing sounded this fun. We have had far too little spring-cleaning evil around here. I guess that is what happens when you have nine old bachelors running things. You are going to have to teach me some of your world's curses."

"All in good time," I assured him. I leaned into him and sighed. "Oh, so much excitement. First Mattie and now this. It makes me want to have a good, relaxing cuppa."

"What is a cuppa?" he replied seeming to think it was another kind of magic.

"You don't know what a cup of tea is? Deary me, I thought you were written by an English chap." I ignored his puzzled look at my last statement and went on. "Well, then. I shall have to introduce you to one of the best ways to relax in all the world." Saying this, I guided him away from the balcony railing. "Mmm...we are going to need some chairs and a little table too."

"I can have..."

"No, no, no. I have it all under control." Then, saying the right words, I conjured up two comfy leather chairs with a small table in between them. With one more spell, a tea setting for two complete with little silver spoons appeared on the table. My last move was to add steaming tea into the teapot and sugar cubes into the sugar bowl.

Angmar stared at me. "Is this all you can do?"

"No, this is rather simple. There are other spells for defense and fighting, some that are quite powerful and ugly. More on that later. Now we drink." I poured tea in the two cups, along with the fixings, and handed one to Angmar.

He held the dainty cup and saucer gingerly. His wary attitude toward such a small, albeit unusual smelling drink made him all the more endearing. I could not keep from teasing, "Don't worry...I won't tell anyone you drank something this cute."

In return, I received a dour look. "I was not worried about my eviloverlordship. I was just contemplating the odds that you slipped a love potion in here." Before I give a retort, Angmar took a sip and leaned back in his chair. "I think I am going to like this kind of magic."

And that was how the day ended, complete with two triumphs. We pulled our chairs to look out over the balcony and talked and sipped our tea. Oh, if only I could swoon, but now that I have Lord S.'s ring, I am half-dead and I don't know if we powerful, not-all-dead can do that.

oooooooooooooo

INMH—big batch of brownies for you. Yes, Erika is from Underworld.

Nobody for the death flowers? If I remember my fandoms correctly, it is from Babylon 5. I guess I will have to eat the second batch all by myself. :-P

Now, make my day and review, or I will have Angmar shall kidnap you to Arakis.


	6. The Next Step

Ok, fine, since you all insist...here is the next chapter. it wasn't beta-ed and I am using a different program to save it so the formatting and other little things might be off. I will try to be more productive. now that christmas is over I dont have 5 projects going at once, so I will be able to add this one to the list, providing my merfaun of a muse cooperates. enjoy and review, or I will sic Bellatrix on you!

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IIIA, 3019 January 13

With my magic working, I have decided to devise a new way to keep this diary. I have magicked one of my quills to write down whatever I think should be added whenever it happens. This will save me considerable hours, staying up late and writing what has occurred that day or trying to catch up on the last few days. Also, it will serve to keep a more accurate account, for the retelling can embellish or diminish certain aspects, something I do not wish to happen. Well, that little public service announcement is out of the way...on to today, which started rather early, much earlier than I would have liked.

At sunrise, Angmar knocked on my door and swept in.

"Wakey, wakey!"

I groaned.

"Come on. You can't expect to be the first lady of evil if you sleep all day. It is time to rise and wreck havoc!"

"I think you are still high on caffeine."

"Caffeine?"

"Yeah, you know, that buzz you got off the tea last night?"

"The undead do not get buzzes," was the lofty reply.

"Then what, pray tell, is the cause of all this chipperness?" came my unconvinced retort. "I didn't know this world had weed."

"Very funny. But no I haven't picked up any hobbit habits. Can't a guy just be happy?"

"You mean those little gnomes we are chasing like to smoke? And no, a guy must always have ulterior motives."

"Well, my ulterior motive today is moving!"

"Why is that such a cause for celebration?"

"How would you feel about moving to Minas Morgul with me?"

"I thought you agreed to take this slow"

"Look who is talking. You're the one who insisted on making out until all hours of the night. What is a guy supposed to think?" If he could have, his undead eye would have winked at me.

"Like you weren't participating in said event," I shot back, smiling coyly. "When do we leave?"

"As soon as you are ready."

"Well, in that case," I said rising, "You must leave. I may have made out with you, but I am not about to dress in front of you." And giving him a definite shove toward the door, I kicked the Witch King out of my quarters. It was such a satisfying thing to do, especially given the way I had been woken up; First Lady of Evil does not just describe my social agenda.

I dressed, grabbed a fellfruit which tasted an awful lot like a grapefruit, and began to pack. With magic at my disposal, I easily shrunk everything and fit them in the saddlebags the Angmar had made special for Maddie. When I met him in the stables after breakfast, Angmar's face at the sight of my rather little and light bags was quite humorous.

"And here I was sure you were going to bring that obsidian claw tub you were so fond of."

"What makes you think I didn't?"

Angmar raised one eyebrow. "The balrog will be most put out with you if you did. That was the only one that could fit him."

"It's also the only one that could fit both of us." I winked and swung onto Maddie. Needless to say, Angmar was close behind me, but I refused to say more. A lady must not be too easy.

And off we soared to Minas Morgul, which I must say is a dreadfully perfect name for a dark lord's lair. I must remember some of these names to suggest to my Lord V. whenever I get back home. Our last ones were not quite so fear-inspiring.

Our arrival had little pomp and circumstance, for which I was glad. Riding eight hours on the back of a fell beastess made me want to give myself an Advilio spell. Apparently, most of the troops were off on scouting missions across the river and elsewhere, so I was spared the tragedy of waving and nodding to cannon fodder I would much rather curse.

Angmar promised me the best room and he wasn't joking. I have the entire floor of the highest tower to myself. The view is absolutely breathtaking. Black crags extend for miles to the north and south. To the east is the stark Gorgoroth plateau, and to the west is the soon-to-fall land of Gondor, hidiously pale and begging to be burnt. Very inspiring, I wanted to get to work right away, but Angmar said we must wait for news from some mining operation. Battles can be won or lost by the hour at which they are fought.

Don't I know that. I was in jail for an ill-timed blow. Perhaps I shall learn the art of strategy. Lord V. always said that was my weak point, that I was too passionate. But I am a woman, aren't I supposed to be emotional? Dark lords are wonderful, but they can be so aggravating sometimes.

Because it took so long to get here and I was so tired from the journey and nothing could really be done on the campaign, I went to bed early. Unpacked first, of course, but sank into my glamorous color #47 coal, 180-thread count, scalloped-edged, quilt-stitched satin sheets from Pottery Ruin at the first available moment and promptly fell asleep.


	7. Sweet Victory

This chapter is dedicated to Mirax for the only review I received for last chapter. Good to know you are still alive. Hope this chappie lives up to your expectations. :)

IIIA, 3019 January 15

Moving in with Angmar has not been the ground shaking event I thought it would be. As I mentioned before, I was given the top floor...the entire top floor. Angmar lives in a completely different tower.

In other words, our together time has shrunk to meetings and mealtimes. I heard that one of the species around here has upward to eight meals and have considered proposing it just to get to see him. Either that or the war is going to have to advance at a much more steady pace because advancements mean meetings and meetings mean note passing. wink, wink.

And speaking of meetings, we had quite the good one today. Aside from a rather cute drawing of a cupid from Angmar (he can be quite the artist when he puts his mind to it), we also received excellent news from the front.

We have known for some time that the enemy has sent a small expedition out, though for what purpose we are not yet sure. We do know that they carry the Ring, which, as it has been explained to me, is the means through which Lord S can take over the rule of ME. Apparently he made it many hundreds of years ago and put his power, will, evil, etc. all in this one ring.

How this helped him rule better or why he would make such an Overlord blunder is beyond me, for there was this impudent prince who cut it off his finger, causing Lord S. to lose not only his physical form but also his rise to power. At least he knows what went wrong. Lord V. is still clueless as to how the impudent little prince in my world defeated him.

But back to our victory. While traipsing through some mines, which we consider our territory to an extent, our allies there managed to defeat the most powerful of their pitiful band, a wizard, though not the kind of wizard I am familiar with. Rider Two insisted that we not rejoice fully yet until confirmation of a body is given, but we have it on good authority the wizard is dead.

The emotional damage alone to the "good guys" is more than had been hoped for at this stage. We have shown them that even their mentor and guide is weak, and if he is, then they are hopeless. They will be easy pickings now that they do not have one of the Maiar to guide them, Maiar being a sort of angelic creature. Apparently Lord S. was once one until he saw the value of using his power for greater things.

As a celebration of this victory, Angmar promised me a special night out on the town. That is what I am so agitated about right now. What I wouldn't give for another woman! I can't very well ask my date, "What about this dress?" or "These shoes or those shoes?" Even if he wasn't my date, he would just say yes to everything. Men are incapable of having definite fashion advice, at least in my experience. I don't want to wear anything too over-the-top fancy, but he did say that it was a nice place. Then again he also said it was a little-hole-in-a-hill kind of place too. What does one wear to a Ma 'n' Pop restaurant?

Aaaaah, it is almost time to leave. I guess I will just have to settle on my knee-high riding boots (it is some distance off and we are taking his fell beast) and the sleeveless long black "Fancy" dress.

My hair...well, no time to do it now. It will just have to be down. Mum always said I had the prettiest hair in the family, long, wavy, and as black as can be. But I am giving it a charm to keep it from flying everywhere.

Ok, I am off. Oh, almost forgot...it is January; gonna be cold. The warg pup coat should be just the thing, took a hundred of the darlings to make it. To bad it was puppies, but the adult fur is so scruffy and light. Enough babbling for now. Will write all how it goes when I get back.

Later that night...

I know I promised to spill all so here goes. Turns out this little hole-in-a-hill restaurant is just that, a hole in a hill. Who'd have thunk it? But I am getting ahead of myself.

We had a nice long ride to the restaurant. Since we were both on Angmar's fell beast and I had to sit behind him, we didn't have much conversation, but it did give me a chance to put my arms around him. And he did block the wind nicely, with that lovely big frame of his.

We landed in a open field I am sure would have been green if it had been day. Angmar gave me his hand to help me dismount. Of course I didn't need it, but the gesture was thoughtful. And he didn't let go once I was off.

I didn't see any buildings around and was about to say something to that effect when Angmar started walking and tugged for me to follow me with him. As my eyes grew accustomed to the dim light from the moon, I saw that there were a dozen or so mounds all around us. Out of the closest mound, the one we were walking toward, came a short, fat woman with the face of a turnip and a personality to match. Angmar introduced us.

"Lobelia had kindly consented to host us tonight. This is her home, but tonight it is the Restaurant at the End."

Angmar had told me he had made reservations, but I hadn't thought on what exactly that meant. Seeing Lobelia's tuber-like face made me realize where Angmar had been gone all afternoon. What I wouldn't have given to have seen the look on that halfling's face when he pounded down the door and demanded she make extra for dinner because there would be guests. I can just see her sputtering at the audacity.

By the smell of things, Angmar must have done some pretty heavy intimidating. There were soups, fresh breads, meat pies, cooked vegetables, a very large garden salad; and I even saw a whole plateful of Turkish delight through the window just waiting for the desert course.

We were going to eat outside, the hobbit hole was not made for big people. And as much as I would have enjoyed that it is January and it would have been uncomfortable to eat in my warg coat. So I offered to shrink us for the meal. Angmar looked somewhat doubtful, either from the thought of my casting a spell on him or from the idea that his stomach might shrink. But after assuring him that it was perfectly safe and reversible and that he would be able to eat just as much he let me. After a quick "Shrinkonium Hobbitous," we entered the End.

For as rustic as they are, the hobbit hole was pleasant, albeit cluttered. The kitchen was obviously the center of activity, being the largest room in the entire house. There were candles on an unfinished wooden table, but any romantic glow was lost in the roaring fire which was cooking up no less than three pots and two chickens.

It was the sort of situation one would expect to find in a kitchen, but not exactly the kind one would expect to eat in, especially on a first date. My mother was always very strict on such matters, saying that it is part of what sets us apart as purebloods. So my first impression left me a little doubtful about the value of this "establishment."

Angmar must have felt my unease, for he tried to soothe my ruffled feathers.

"I have discovered something here I think you will like."

"And what, pray tell, is that?" I was unconvinced.

"They may be down to earth, all puns intended, but they at least have the sense to make that delicious drink you introduced me to at Baradur."

"Tea?" What would a bunch of garden gnomes know about tea?

"Here try some." He handed me a cup and saucer and poured some amber colored liquid from a teapot already on the table.

I sipped. "This tastes like Earl Grey!" I am now sure these little men were created by an Englishman. I was also instantly won over. "So how did you find this place?"

Our first course had been served and Angmar told me the story between bites. For such a lean figure, he sure can eat a lot.

Apparently, this was the home of one of the hobbits we are tracking. He came by here before I was recruited to intercept him, but barely missed him. He refused to speak of the matter further, but I think it has something to do with the fact that we ride fell beasts and not horses. He changed the subject, which was fine by me; and the evening of relaxing was off.

I was actually sad when the Turkish delights were brought out. Angmar said he imported them special from a nearby 'verse. Lobelia looked relieved when we took our leave until Angmar promised to visit again. Such a good dark lord, never letting his subject think they got rid of him and always keeping them on their toes.

The flight back was uneventful. I was so tired, I fell asleep leaning against Angmar. It was a good thing then that I sat in front this time. If he hadn't been holding on to me, I don't even want to think about falling from such a height.

I was still asleep when we arrived back at Minas Morgul. I only groggily came to as Angmar was tucking me into my bed. A light kiss on my forehead from my gentle dark knight ended a perfect evening.

For those of you who aren't blessed enough to hear country music, a Fancy is a reference to an old Reba McIntire song about a girl whose mother dresses her up in a "red dancin' dress that had a split on the side clean up to the hip" and sends her "uptown." So how scared are you now, Mirax?


	8. Lessons

IIIA 3019 January 16

I awoke once again to Angmar, though this occasion was quite different from the last. Not as romantic. It went something like this.

"Bella." came a voice into my dreams.

I rolled over and grumped.

"Bella my love." It came again, more insistant.

"Yes, Aggie?" I answered, expecting to wake up to a kiss. When none came, I opened my eyes and sat up in bed. Angmar was no where to be seen. But I had just heard him. "Where are you?"

"I am down here." came the voice with a definite twinge of impatience, beside my bed.

And I noticed a small black robed figure on his tippy toes peeking over the edge of my bed. Natually, I let out a small shriek.

"Angmar! What have they done to you? Did my Lord S. get angry at you for being out so late last night? Did you eat the wrong vegetable at Lobelia's? Did..."

"NO!" He cut me off with one word that would have been thunderous had he been full-size. As it was, it sounded more like the squeak a toad lets out when you squeeze it.

I tried not to laugh, for that is never a good idea when the subject of the hilarity is a dark lord capable of numerous tortures. Instead, I did the only sensible thing. I slid off the bed to see if there was anything I could do. Imagine my surprise when my feet touched the ground and I was not towering over him, but looking up at him. I was just as small as he was!

Then I remembered. The spell I had cast on us so that we could fit inside that hole. I was so dazed from food and love on the way back that I must have forgotten to undo it. That was why both of us had fit into the saddle. But how in Middle Earth had Angmar managed to tuck me into bed? Maybe he was floating as well. I had to smile at that thought.

"Bella?" Angmar's usually dreamy but currently irritated voice broke my reverie.

"Oh, yes. I am so sorry. Won't happen again." And I muttered the counter spell. Instantly we were back to our normal imposing sizes.

"I hope I wasn't too rude, but I have to address the troops in five minutes and it would just not do for their commander in chief to be the size of a toddler orc. I would never get any respect. As it is, I don't think I am ever going to live this one down with the other Riders." Angmar tiraded.

I raised my eyebrow in askence.

"Six caught me in the hall, and you know he is the prankster of our merry little band," he explained.

"Well I did give him quite enough ammunition to last a while," I chuckled.

Angmar replied with a low laugh, a good sign that he was over his fury. "But I don't think it would be a good idea to give him any more," he said seriously.

"What do you mean?"

"I want you to start giving me lessons in your magic. I have always found other world's magic interesting and I should not waste your expertise."

'Magic lessons?' I thought. "Uhm, when do you want to start?"

"As soon as I am done with this troop review. I have cleared my calendar for the day." And he swept magistically out of the room.

I sank down on the bed. Magic lessons? This did not seem like a good idea. A few days ago, I had been afraid that my magic had not followed me, but when I had found out that it had, I had thought that it would help make me indisposable. I knew that beauty would only get me so far. If I was going to help with their quest for destruction I needed to be able to do some glorious destructing myself. And being able to do it with magic...well let's just say that imagination is my only limit. If I taught it to Angmar, then I would no longer have the monopoly on scrumpcious torture. Providing of course, that he could.

I stopped myself from this train of thought, but quickly started the engine rolling again. Of course he could learn my magic. A dark lord such as Angmar could do any magic he set his mind to. I must remember that I am not from this world, as comfortable as I was becoming in it. I needed to keep an ace up my black silk sleeve. I knew I had power and beauty, a deadly combination in most circles, but this was not most circles. I could not allow myself to become the token female to balance out the power.

I mused and fretted all through breakfast about what to do. It certainly did not help that he made my insides like boiled brains. On top of that there was the whole evil-guys-always-betray-you syndrome I wanted to avoid. Not that I couldn't handle myself, just that it usually proved to be an unnecessary distraction. Yes, I was going to have to have a plan before the lessons started.

I couldn't teach him false spells; that would be suicide. I couldn't teach him knitting spells either; that would be amusing but also suicide. But, aha...I didn't have to teach him every spell I knew. After all it took me seven years of formal schooling and quite a few unformal years to learn all of the ones I knew. I just had to teach him enough to satisfy his curiosity. I quickly decided not to teach him the Unforgivables...those would be my secret weapons. And the ones I would teach him I would not give up easily. He would have to teach me something in return. Swordfighting would be a comprable skill, I thought for this world.

When Angmar returned from awing the troops with his speechifying, I was ready with my proposal. He cocked his head and stared at me for a moment, no doubt wondering what I was scheming, but in the end he acquiesed to my request. We began with wrist technique. I handed him a "wand" which was just a stick of firewood, but it would do.

"Now I know that this world does not require a wand, but if you was going to learn spells, it is worth learning properly. Don't roll your eyes at me." I scolded.

"Yes, Teacher," Angmar replied properly, though with a twinkle in his eye.

"Ok. First lesson. Swish and flick." I demostrated graceful wrist movement.

"Swish and flick." Angmar attempted to imitate. However, due to the fact that his wrist was several hundred, perhaps thousand years older than mine, the result was not the same. But all things improve with practice and by tea time he was swishing better than a silk dress on a belle at a ball.

After tea, we started on spells.

"They are done by pronouncing correctly a word or words. Combined with the power that you have within you brings about the desired result. Now I don't think your power is the same as mine, so I am not sure if the magic will respond in the same way it does for me."

"I would have never mistaken you for a scientist, my dear."

"Normally you are right, but this is my area of expertise and we are on new territory here. Now, swish and flick and repeat 'wingardium leviosa'."

Angmar did so. Unfortunately, I forgot to point out what it was exactly that he was supposed to be leviosa-ing. He had his attention and his 'wand', naturally, focused on me. I began levitating. Not just any kind of levitating, quickly heading in the direction of a very hard obsidian ceiling. I was centimeters away from a headache before I murmured the countercurse and floated back to the ground.

"Whoa. That was great." Like all boys, Angmar was easily impressed by his own power.

"That almost knocked out your teacher." I had to bring him back to the ground as well.

"I mean, I am so sorry. Did you get hurt? Do I need to kiss anything?" He winked.

"Tempting, but no. I caught myself before you killed me. But that does remind me that focus is very important in magic. What you are focusing on is where your curses and hexes will be directed. So I as much as I appreciate the attention, I need you to not look at me when you are practicing."

"Now it gets hard." Angmar pouted. "You are just so cute when you are being all serious and teachery."

"Thank you." I batted my eyes at him then gave him a gentle shove. "Back to work."

After that first bit of fun, Angmar was a quick student. By dinner he had learned a dozen spells. They were relatively harmless ones, levitation, boiling water, etc., but I stressed the importance of learning the simple ones first. That useful ones were generally more difficult and I would need more time to prepare the correct environment in which to learn them. It was an excuse, but it was also the truth. I could just imagine getting hit with a petrifying spell from him without a mound of pillows behind me.

He wanted to learn more after dinner, but I said no. I was just too tired, and I wasn't faking. Doing all that magic on top of trying not to be distracted by Angmar's beautiful wrist technique drained me. I went to bed early, partially because I was tired...I must be getting soft. I need to start my magic workouts back up.

My promised sword lessons are to start early in the morning. I am looking forward to them. Mother never let me join a fencing class, probably because the only ones around were for Muggles by Muggles. As much as I am ashamed of this, I admit that I was disappointed. But now I would have a chance to learn to draw blood, that fulfilling result that killing by magic rarely had. Perhaps I could combine magic with swordfighting...what kill that would make! With that happy thought, I closed my eyes and slept.

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No notes this time. Just a big sorry for not posting in a really really long time. Brownies for the reviews. And death threats work just as good as begging. :-P


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